


The (Not So) Happiest Place On Earth

by Towairaitookami



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Created for the HQ Summer bigbang but couldn't finish it in time, Crying because English homework prevented me from writing, F/F, FBI AU, I promise I will finish this, M/M, Trans Akaashi - Freeform, irony at it's finest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4703087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Towairaitookami/pseuds/Towairaitookami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FBI AU- Field agent Bokuto has a problem and despite Kuroo's claim, it's not his stupidity. (This time, at least.) Yesterday, he only had to worry about which club to hit or which brand of beer to chug, but today he has to worry about the big issue that comes in the form of Akaashi Keiji. How is he supposed to solve a case when the adorable and beautiful rookie was driving him crazy with every little thing he does?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aliens, Autopsies, and Pudding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [attackontightpants](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=attackontightpants).



> Hello! This is a work for the HQ Summer 2015 Big Bang! Unfortunately, I couldn't finish in the time frame (damn summer homework!) but I will finish this in the next couple of months! Special thanks to my beta, attackontightpants for putting up with my writing and procrastination!

The crystal blue ocean lapped relaxingly at the sand, undisturbed by humans. With his face bared to the sun, Bokuto let out a sigh of contentment as the warmth chased away all the tensions in his muscles. Relishing the quiet setting, he reached for his beer and-

“Bokuto! Wake up!” Kuroo shook the field agent. “Ukai wants to see you.”

“What?” Jumping up from his seat in his cubicle, Bokuto went straight for his pistol. “What’s happening?”

“Director Ukai wants to see you,” The other man repeated, eyebrow raised. “And put down that gun. Last time you shot one in here, you broke Oikawa’s alien figure. Do I need to remind you what happened?”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Shooting Kuroo a dirty look, the agent reluctantly tucked the gun back into it’s holster but remained standing. “It was yours. You know what happens when you wake me up from naps and you still do it. That guy took my ear off for breaking plastic!”

“It wasn’t just plastic, it was the alien form of Iwa!” Oikawa popped over the cubicle wall, eyebrows dipped in a scowl.

“I’m glad you broke it, Bokuto,” Iwazumi deadpanned as he passed the trio, holding his newly printed report.

“You’re so mean, Iwa!” Oikawa pouted and disappeared from Bokuto’s view. The two IT agents’ bickering soon faded into background noise.

“Ukai’s still waiting,” Kuroo sang in a sing song voice.

“Come on,” Bokuto whined, chapped lips pushed out in a pout. “I just got back from the last case yesterday. I swear that old man is going to work us all into the ground.”

“That’s because you are too weak to handle this,” Kuroo snorted. “Remind me again, why did you choose to be in the FBI?”

“You just have to stay in the lab and examine fingerprints,” Bokuto said incredulously. “I have to chase down the criminal who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot my head off!”

“We both know that’s because I had better grades than you in college,” The other man smirked. “The dumber ones get to risk their not-as-valuable heads doing dirty work.”

“Yeah, right,” The other man scoffed. “It’s because I have better specs than you physically. And plus, I don’t analyze pee samples. Who’s doing the dirty work then?”

“Talk to me once you’ve been shot,” Kuro remained unimpressed. “Go before Ukai decided he needs help with paperwork.”

A flash of fear darted across Bokuto’s face, “Ah, you’re right. I’ll see you later.” Fueled by his hatred for paperwork, the field agent ran down the hallway in search for his superior’s office.

Barging in unceremoniously without knocking, Bokuto announced himself, "Agent Bokuto reporting for duty."

Rubbing his temple as he read the mountains of paperwork, Ukai spared his agent a glance before directing his attention back to his work, "You know what I want."

Scratching his head sheepishly, Bokuto apologetically grinned, "Ukai, I am still recovering from the case. It was really tough on my body. I promise the report will be in as so-"

Furiously typing up who-knows-what, Ukai gave Bokuto a firm look and cut him off, "Right, which is why when you came back yesterday the first thing you did was to go to a bar with Kuroo."

 Traitor, the agent cursed his friend under his breath as he fumbled around for another excuse, “Ah, Ukai, you see…”

“Nope,” The older man shook his head. “No excuses. I want the report in by four.”

“Yes, sir,” Bokuto sulked and walked out of the office, feet dragging.

Sighing as he sat down in front of his computer, he pulled out the notes from the case from his pocket and started to type away at the lengthy (and unnecessary, Bokuto thought gloomily) report. He was holding back to urge the punch the monitor when he felt someone balancing a sandwich on his head.

“Kuroo, I swear if it’s you...” Bokuto let the silence fill his threat.

“Kuroo is conducting an autopsy,” A soft drawl floated around the agent’s cubicle. A couple moments passed, the sandwich still being adjusted on his head. “He bet me that I couldn't balance anything on your head.”

“Kenma,” Bokuto sighed, knowing that he was the only one (besides himself, of course) who listens to Kuroo. “Out of everything, why a sandwich?”

“Because Lev threw it at me,” Kenma said it as if a thrown sandwich was a normal event.“Stay still, Bokuto-san, I have to take a picture.”

Keeping his neck as stiff as possible, Bokuto heard the click of the camera shutter before the weight of the sandwich disappeared.

“I see reports are hurting your small brain as always,” The younger boy dove back into his video games on his phone.

“Hey! My brain isn’t small,”  Bokuto tried protest, but his voice trailed off as he saw a glimpse of an angel’s face between the inseparable trainers, Daichi and Suga, as they toured the floor.

He couldn’t make out much except for soft black hair and sparkling eyes, thanks to the accursed cubicle wall, but he could already feel his face flush.

“New field rookie,” Kenma commented as he followed Bokuto’s gaze. “He’s kind of cute.”

“Kenma, don’t leave me!” Like the melodramatic sap Oikawa accused him of being, Kuroo launched himself at his boyfriend out of nowhere and buried his face in Kenma’s neck. “I promise to buy you a lot of pudding!”

“Get off of me,” Kenma said flatly but a shy smile crept onto his face. “You are still wearing your disgusting autopsy robes.”

“I’m not letting you go until you promise to not let me go,” A devilish smirk decorated Kuroo’s face, a total change from his previous attitude.

A small but happy smile spread on Kenma's blushing face as he murmured a quiet promise of never letting his boyfriend go. Kuroo all but melted onto the hard tile floors.

Bokuto blocked out the sappy bickering of the couple and focused on the rookie, who was soaking everything the trainers said like a sponge. As the entrancing eyes flicked his way, Bokuto hissed at his friends.

“Be normal, guys,” He himself fixed his gaze on the monitor, as if he was in the midst of all his work. “I don’t want the newcomer to think the FBI is full of slackers.”

“Like you’re the one to talk.” Somehow, Kuroo had maneuvered his boyfriend onto his lap as they sank to the ground, legs entangled and his white robes fanned out around them.

“I think someone’s got a crush,” As blunt as always, Kenma didn’t soften the blow.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Bokuto’s spine stiffened and his face reddened, betraying his true thoughts.

“He’s blushing,” Kuroo sang.

“Definitely a crush,” The smaller boy agreed.

“I still don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

“Of course you don’t,” The couple said together.

Bokuto could not express the amount of self control it took for him to not break his table that day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd ya think? Please leave a comment and kudos to let me know your thoughts!
> 
> ~Rai-chan


	2. Entrance Of The Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter: Akaashi Keiji

Hours after the annoying couple of Kuroo and Kenma left, Bokuto was still sitting at his desk, unfinished report in front of him. He could almost see the evil smirk the report is giving him, knowing he would never finish on time. A gentle hand landed on his shoulder.

“Go away,” He grumbled as he stared intently at the screen, as if doing so would cause words to magically appear.  

“I can’t, Bokuto-san,” Suga’s amused voice reached his ears. “I can’t just leave poor Akaashi here alone with angry Owl.”

“Just because it’s my code name doesn’t mean it’s my nickname,” Finally turning around to greet his colleague, he pouted at the name.

“The whole department would like to beg to differ,” Daichi’s deep voice sounded like he was holding in a laugh from Bokuto’s expression. “Stuck on a report again?”

“You guys are so mean,” The field agent whined. “Daichi, Suga, can you guys please help me with this? I swear I will treat you to dinner.”

“No way,” Suga shook his head with a smile. “We’re on vacation for the next week. Actually, we came here to drop off Akaashi before we head to the airport.”

“Akaashi?” His eyes finally focused on the feather light black hair standing in between the two trainers. His heart suddenly stopped, then started with a weird stutter. Hungrily, Bokuto’s eyes devoured the newcomer’s face. The delicate nose and the graceful mouth were framed by the soft hair and his eyes was, as cheesy as it sounds, more beautiful than the stars. His angel was even more attractive close up.

“Akaashi Keiji,” The new agent held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Uh,” Bokuto felt his tongue twisting and tying in his mouth. “B-Bokuto Kotaro.”

Hastily, he shoved his hand into the extended on of Akaashi’s. (He might had held on for a beat too long. Only maybe. But his hands were so perfect!)

“He graduated from the training school yesterday,” Daichi ruffled the black hair affectionately. Akaashi smiled shyly. (That’s when Bokuto’s soul heard the singing of angels.) “He is assigned field work so we thought maybe you could show him the ropes.”

“You should start with the report,” Suga smiled the mischievous smile that sent shivers down Bokuto’s back. “Akaashi needs to learn how to write a proper report and what a better teacher than you, right? Bokuto-senpai?”

Glaring at the duo, Bokuto decided the trainers had overstayed their welcome, “Don’t you have a plane to catch? Don’t want to miss the honeymoon.”

“I would never miss my honeymoon because as long as Suga's with me everyday is a honeymoon," Daichi swooped down to steal a kiss from his partner.

Suga blushed prettily but a happy grin adorned his face.

"You guys are so sweet it's gross," Bokuto made a face then started to push the two lovebirds towards the elevator. "Honeymoon or no honeymoon, you guys still have to catch a plane."

The couple reluctantly started to walk out of the office but they spent another ten minutes waving tearfully at Akaashi like proud parents right outside the door before finally leaving for their flight.

Bokuto sighed with relief as their backs disappeared from sight, "I don't know how they get anything done like that."

"Daichi-san and Suga-san are...sappy during lessons," Akaashi agreed, still standing stiffly. "But they are good teachers."

"Of course they are," Bokuto shook his head wearily. "But sometimes I think they have adopted the whole training school rookies as their children."

"They're great parents then," the younger man smiled.

Bokuto felt his stomach drop as if he was on a rollercoaster as he saw the little dimple that decorated Akaashi's face.

Abruptly, he turned to his screen and cleared his throat, "Let me finish this real quick."

"Do you mind if I read it over your shoulder, Bokuto?" Akaashi asked.

His head nodded while the word "No" came out of his mouth.

The rookie gave his mentor a strange look, “Um, excuse me, I didn’t quite get that.”

“I mean yes,” Bokuto could feel the tips of his ears growing hot. Curse this pretty boy! Bokuto swore Akaashi had an aura around him that messed with nearby brains.

If he thought his brain was already meddled, Bokuto couldn't had been more wrong. As Akaashi scooted closer to read the report, Bokuto could detect Akaashi's cologne and he officially gave up on his already addled mind. The clean smell of rain and forests turned Bokuto's brain into puree. His hands shook as he tried to salvage what little was left of his brain. The keys beneath his fingers grew clammy and the cubicle seemed to close in on him too quickly for his liking. To this day, he still wondered how he managed to finish the report.

Silently, Akaashi reached over the older agent’s shoulder and fixed the grammar mistakes when Bokuto finished. As he hit the print button, he said, "Can't have a grammatically wrong paper, can we?"

Bokuto turned around in his chair to stare at Akaashi as if he was godsend. He was infamous for his grammar errors, which always resulted in Ukai's frustrated scream when he turned in his report. Looks like it was going to be an unusually calm afternoon.

"Dinner's on me," Bokuto continued to gawk at the newcomer. "You just saved my delicate ass from Ukai-san's cruel punishment."

"I didn't save you from anything. Just fixed some really bad errors even elementary school kids would spot," Akaashi smirked a little. "But dinner would be nice."

"Of course, it's the upperclassmen responsibility to take care of their juniors," Ignoring the first part of the comment, Bokuto puffed out his chest.

"I think in this case it's going to be the other way around," Akaashi held his poker face.

Fuck you, you sassy (but cute) bastard, Bokuto thought in his head fondly. Another voice in his head whispered, oh you wish. The agent had to restrain himself from banging his head against the table. This arrangement couldn't have ended fast enough for Bokuto.

~~~~~~~

The shrill beeping of Bokuto’s phone cracked the owner’s eye just a slit, but not enough to rouse him from his precious sleep. The persistent sound hounded after the field agent until he picked it up blindly, face still buried in the pillows. Not bothering to check the caller ID, he blindly pressed what he hoped was the “Accept Call” button.

“Unless someone is dying, hang up,” Bokuto pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s only,” Turning his head to check his digital clock, he groaned at his findings. “5 o’clock in the morning, for fuck’s sakes.”

“You think I want to be up so early to be cursed at by one of my field agents?” Ukai snapped tiredly. Without waiting for a reply, the older man plowed on. “No one’s dying...yet. There has been a series of kidnapping down in Florida. All the victims are teenagers. The kidnapping has been happening every other day, so there would be one this afternoon. We need you to be there as soon as possible.”

“Please don’t tell me I am booked for a six o’clock flight,” The agent pleaded.

“You’re not,” Bokuto felt a wave of relief flood his body. He will have time for a shower, a sha- “You are booked for a five forty-five flight. And the rookie is going with you.” His hopes and dreams were dashed immediately.

“I’d better get a raise for this,” The groaning agent crawled out of bed slowly and threw his clothes unceremoniously into his half packed luggage. “I just got back the day before yesterday too. I didn’t even fully unpack.”

“If you got a raise every time you asked for it, you’d be a billionaire by now,” Ukai snorted. “Oh, and it’s in Disneyworld. When you get back I don’t want the rookie to say that you spent the whole time in a children’s park.”

“Have some faith in me,” Bokuto huffed. “Plus it’s not a children’s park. It’s the Happiest Place On Earth!”

“I’m sure the families of the victims think so,” His superior said sarcastically. “I’ll send you the details later. Don’t miss your flight.” Without further ado, he ended the call.

“Bye to you too,” Bokuto murmured as he shoved his toiletries in his bag.

Way too used to the last minute calls for his liking, the agent shoved everything he needed in a small carry on in less than five minutes. In seven minutes flat, he was backing his car out of his parking spot, coffee and toast in hand, and speeding down the highway.

Another ring racked through Bokuto’s phone. Scowling, he picked up his phone.

“Mornings should have never been made,” He growled into the phone.

“Good to know that you are awake,” Akaashi’s smooth voice came out of the phone. After the long bonding over dinner yesterday, Akaashi decided to

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Someone isn’t a morning person.”

“I fucking hate mornings. It means I have to wake up and do stuff.”

“Wow, I see why Ukai-san loves your reports now,” The sarcasm was thick in Akaashi’s reply.

“Shut up,” Bokuto said irritatedly before his overprotectiveness of his junior took over. “This is your first case, so just watch me. God forbid that it is something this messy. If worse comes to worse use your stun gun to paralyze. Just aim and pull the trigger, okay?”

“I graduated from training school,” The annoyed voice of the other boy traveled through the line. “I know how things work.”

“Real cases are different. Training school only gets you ready for-”

“Real cases. Who would’ve guessed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave kudos! Love you guys!
> 
> ~Rai-chan


End file.
